Thursday, May 7, 2009
omg i just realised it has been almost three months since i have last posted any entry at all. the reason being? - i haven been busy studying, sadly. today marks the day of liberation from this what seemed as though, a never ending semester filled with a million of things to study. it never felt so great ending a semester before because i think i never worked so hard before with God's grace. let me complain about this semester first ok. let me count how many tests i have been thru this semester, always wanted to do that but never found the time. haha. 3 projects and 1 test in the first part of the semester and 13 tests in the second half. and the pharm prac tests are not like i can just study one day before, it's like i spend 6 hours trying to read and memorise one set of lecture notes one test is like times 6 sets of lecture notes not including the 24 drugs from the monograph that i have to memorise and in reality i don't have that much time to study because i'm so busy. anyway i think biotech is the worst module for me so far. i can spend one whole day trying to understand one set of lecture notes. haha can't understand why scientists are so smart, trying their hands at gene therapy and stuff. and this is bad for students like me cause it is equivalent to more things to study. let me see, what else to complain. oh the stupid so called self directed learning for microb was like a waste of my time. having to read thru the reports like a few hours before the test was like a chore and it's not like i don't have other more important test to study. plus the presentation that my group had to do. haha, they should seriously scrap it. ok, actually i think the worst thing this semester i only slept 5-6 hours every night just simply cause i have so many things to study and i simply cannot study finish. being accustomed to sleeping at least every 8 hours every night,reducing it by one to two hours for me is bad. there wasn't a single day that i could sleep till as late as i wanted. that's how bad it is. haha. but today marks the day where i can sleep twice the amount of time. yay. studying for exams was supposedly worse and i felt so dumb complaining about one test when now i had to study the chapters for three tests combined and more within three days for pharm prac, not counting the other four modules that i have. but thank God He is with me.
that's where i think what i gained from the semester is also super amazing. despite all the stuff i had to do and the never ending stuff that i had to cramp in my brain, i still spent even more time in church. my whole life this few months was either studying or church. i guess that's why when my friends ask me out, i really have no or zero time. but i really can't help it though they don't understand. i think going to church to see more of Jesus is the only thing that keeps me sane from all these heavy burdens of school work. i think without Him this semester, i would have gone crazy seriously. looking back, i would have probably just be super stressed out like how i was before in jc. but God has a reason for everything. looking back, i understood now why more time at home studying does not mean productive studying and in the end, there is no self satisfaction for me because i realised that i didn't achieve anything. i rather be super busy and look back to see how God has stretched me and used me in a way that i never deemed possible. and i guess that's what He did this semester. this semester marks the time where i decided that since everything is for His glory, i would just allow Him to use me. i cannot believe in something so strongly and not do what i believe in. haha, that's what i figured out this semester too. i have been serving for befrienders for a few weeks and i really felt this sense of joy while serving although the first week i didn't really do anything. but the amazing thing is that the second time i served, a newcomer that i met is placed in my caregroup and she has been coming ever since. last sunday while i was serving, i met this girl who was going for service alone and i asked her to join us and she was really happy cause she msged me after that. it's amazing how God uses me and in the end i am the one who feel so joyful. God is really good. in terms of my studies, He has also never failed me. though spent like sat and sun in church plus teaching piano and the time left to study is really little, His grace always cover my results. all i could do was to really rely on His grace and His word because i know full well the amount of time i spent studying was incomparable to my friends although i was studying during the times i wasn't in church. and He never shortchanges me. though it can be super tiring, super depressing at times, i'm really glad that because Christ is in me, i can do the supernatural. talking about depression, felt a tinge of that this semester for a few days. never thought i would in my whole life, but i did. haha. and i'm glad for Godly leadership in my life who is always there to help me and establish me in His word. i have grown so much in the Lord through these times of tribulations, and i will cling on to Him ever more so tightly because i know without Him, i am nothing and can acheive nothing. He is my source of motivation, my source of strength, my source of hope, my shield and my exceeding great reward. there was once i asked God, 'there's just too many drugs to memorise.. why should i memorise?? you are our healer right, so there's no need for these drugs.' and He told me, 'yes but for those of the world, they can only seek these drugs to cure whatever diseases and i can use you to help them.' i guess that's what motivated me to memorise my drugs so clearly. i am starting to thank God that He has placed my in pharmacy because though super a lot of workload, i enjoy the end result of knowing most of the drugs that are present in any pharmacy now. i just thank God for everything. i thank God that this semester is over. although i know next semester will be worse, as sel said,'no tribulations then how to have breakthroughs, no trials how to have testimony?' i have already since day one this year to commit every single thing into His hands, to be my strength when i got none (which is all the time)and i know that whatever is in His hands, He will do the supernatural. and because He is with me, i will prosper in this life and be more than a conqueror. yay. ok now i have to start planning for my holidays. camps, going out, precetorship at terminal 3 transit for six weeks and my birthday!! time for a well deserved break. God is really good all the time =)